Crossroads

torn
between the past and the future
of filial piety
or Obedience
of philia
or agape
of roots
or salvation.

the wide gate
calls out to me
the popular choice
so effortless
requires no sacrifice
and of simple decisions.

the narrow gate
is never easy
encompassed
by trials and tribulations
temptations
and reproach
that question your faith.

but why
give up?
but why
surrender?
when the most beautiful things in life
has unfolded itself
right in front of you?

why
let go
of the One who
truly loves
who is the Truth
who is the Way
who is the Life?

why
abdicate
the only One
who would die for you
to save you
so that you may Live?

the narrow gate
envelopes me with inhuman warmth
with longing
and of such passion
that only He can fill.
a reminder
of His preeminence
a clarity
priority
that He is above all.

regardless
the gate that I chose to walk
at this first crossroad
does not mean I have forgone my past
for my past is who I am
the future is not a barrier
nor a factor
that will ever change how I feel for you.

...I will love you for always and for eternity.

Of Discovering Gifts

Much has been said about finding our spiritual gifts and then igniting them with a fervent passion for the Lord. And I prayed onto the Lord daily that He would show me clear signs as to what was my gift.

Surely enough - today, I had this sudden epiphany about what COULD be my gift. HAHAHAHAHA. It came to me when I was doing my daily devotion today - when I suddenly felt that I expressed myself best in written words.

YEAHHHH. This feeling - have I got the gift of writing? :D

You know, there's a profound difference when I write and when I speak. I feel as though the words just slip off my fingertips when I write (or type, for this matter HAHAHAHA) WAY faster than they slip off my tongue. I express myself so much better when I put it to paper (or blog XD) compared as to when I say them out loud. The best thing is that when I WRITE, I don't pause to think. It just... flows.

As I flip through my journal in my walk with Him, I too realize that I've been building my relationship with Him through written words. And I tend to get very personal in my prayer when I write. In a way, His Words (= Bible) relates to me in a very, very personal way that I can't really describe literally in spoken words. The Lord = Word = Life. My life. XD

So, Lord, is that my gift?

Well, I know that I shouldn't rush things especially in my relationship with Him, right? Because sometimes rushing things may cause us to lose sight of it, no? So I'll just take it in accordance to His will, at His pace. Simply because we know that our time is not measured at the same pace as His time. So once again, I commit this to Him and wait on Him to startle me with another sudden revelation. MUAHAHAHAHA. Praise God! :)

Ohhh. On another note - how the Lord has answered my prayers! HAHAHAHA! About a month ago, I wanted to get a commentary Bible. So I asked Him to guide me to get one in which I can really connect and understand so that I can learn more about Him. Truth be told (confession! HAHAHA) I am really bad when it comes to discipline in reading His Word. Sometimes because I find it hard to truly gain an understanding. YEAAAAH.

Imagine my surprise when I walked into Borders and came to realize that commentary Bibles, or rather, Bibles on the whole - are pretty expensive! So I waited on Him (once again: not rushing things and doing it at His pace) and true enough - yesterday Rou En told me to ask Darshinii about study bibles - sold at a student price of RM60 ONLY. WHAT A STEAL, MAN. OMG. I'm definitely getting one. SOOOOOO CHEAP! Compared to the Rm120 and above ones that I saw. WOW! CHEAP!

Ahahahaha. So once again, praise God! MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

Isn't it PHENOMENAL to see Him do His thing even in the smallest occasions in life? He is truly ever-faithful. And that's why I *heart* Him~ XD Awwwwww.

Of the Things We Did

WHOOOOOO-HOOO! New layout! Hope it works because I got too lazy to make my own. BWAHAHAHAHAHA. And then my laziness is back after one whole week of being hardworking. MUAHAHAHAHAHA XD

Anyway. Coming back to the topic - I went everywhere and did it all. Uni life rocks! XD

A USM first! Enjoying Starbucks all the more with great company! (btw, Caramel Macchiato tastes like milk BWAHAHAHAHA)

The tailor behind Pow's clothes. Man, I totally rock. MUAHAHAHAHA. I was sewing her costume for her upcoming dance event. WOW! I turned it from a cloth into a dress. MUAHAHAHAHA I am so gifted! (insert super perasan look here) XD

Guess what? We (Wan Yin, Leong, Pow and me) became Pharmacy students for a day! Whooo-hooooo! Their Dewan Kuliah gives off a totally different vibe altogether. Eerie OMG.

Pow doing some really random pose there in DK X. =.='

Went cycling with Pow! ONCE AGAIN: A REMINDER TO ALL. NEVER CYCLE UP A HILL WITHOUT STAMINA FOR YOU WILL BECOME AN OKU.

Leong cycling! I took this while cycling. MUAHAHAHAHA. I'm such a pro. Sorry I didn't manage to take Wan Yin/Pow. You two were so far in front that day...

Bubble fest in USM! I wanted to go try, but then I was running late for my rehearsal at Dewan Budaya the other day. And I think one's gotta pay to play. Boooo. How I wish everything was free. Grrrr.

You're looking at the number of beans the new CHOPSTICK MASTER MANAGED TO PICK OUT. Muahahahahaha! Won 2 RedBox complimentary tickets for this! MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Now who said bananas can't use chopsticks?! I'll prove them wrong! XD

Pow, myself and Khoi at the Karnival Wanita!

THANK YOU KHOI KHOI for the ice cream. Awwww. It tasted all the better XD

OWL ASLEEP IN CLASS. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA this is proof that everyone sleeps in class! Wheeeeee~!

So many other ppl were sleeping in class. Sorry I had to take only YOUR photo.

Dunno what stunt Pow was trying to pull in Pizza Hut the other day =.="

Mania looking cute with our deadly concoction of Coke + Cheese + Pepper + Tabasco sauce! MUAHAHAHAHAHA. The very next day after she drank that, she came down with Chickenpox. See what I mean by deadly? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

My CNY cookies that I baked! A VERY VERY small batch of it. XD

Audrey's muka tertidur in Pulau Jerejak. Epic la wei XD

When Pow and I decided to do some Taylor Swift stunt by disturbing our neighbour and writing weird signs and showing them off to her. Poor girl, we must have scared her silly (she never opened her curtains ever again) BWAHAHAHAHAHA

An earphone connection! Both us roomies showing off our awesome new earphones! Mine's red and hers are green. Wheeeeeee~! Support USM's PC fair!!

And that was a very brief recap of the silly/weird/disturbing/memorable things we've done this semester in USM. Yet another awesome semester soon to end.

My Testimony: The Lord Works in Many Ways

First and foremost, sorry everyone, please bear with me as I am yet to be hit with an inspiration for 'mah blog. Gomenasai. But plain every once in a while ain't that bad, no? XD

OKAY. So, this week has gotta be the BUSIEST week I've ever had since I stepped into USM. A summary of my week would mean having not enough time and not enough sleep with my long workload of 6 Assignments, 2 Tests and So You Think You Can. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

Amazingly, it's the first time I've ever skipped lectures for a whole ENTIRE week and yet have an exemption letter. BWAHAHAHAHA.

Putting the 'stressed' part aside, this week has its pros too! Of all my 10 years walking with Him, I've not once felt how it feels like to have the Lord so profoundly intervene in my daily life - until this week. I guess it's true when they say that He's doing his greatest work when we are dealing with most difficult situations. For those who have faced the greatest darkness are those who fully appreciate the glory of His light.

The Lord, working in my life started all the way back on Monday when I heard Jess talking to Lydia about discipleship. After movie night, Wilson and I shared a little chat over a cup of ice-blended. Even though I've walked with the Lord for 10 years, I'm still a spiritual infant. Sad to say, I've stopped at acceptance for a very long time now. But NOW I want to grow in Him - because if not now, then when? So, despite rushing to meet datelines - (most assignments were due on Wednesday!), I asked him about discipleship. And he enlightened me for an hour or so.

That night I prayed to God. Like, I REALLY prayed HARD. I really, really wanted to grow in my relationship with Him. But blind faith is nothing alike real faith. I asked Him, What do You will for me to? Need I a mentor-disciple relationship? Or do I just need someone to be accountable for? What is my purpose in life? Take control of my life. Let Your will be done. Slam the truth right to my face.

And he spoke to me most directly through Ephesians. Time and time again! GOD IS GREAT.

On Wednesday, I browsed through Ephesians 4:1-16 by accident. Those verses centered about letting His providence place us where He wills us to be. These verses also told me that we can do whatever task he assigns us to do, no matter how impossible it may seem - because He put us there for a reason. All we have to do is to wait for our moment and find our calling.

Yesterday too, I was tired and disappointed. 2 tests = 19 chapters to be tested; but NONE studied. (Assignments was copied, btw. HAHAHAHAHA) I randomly browsed His Word again, and I landed on Psalm 37:3 that says, "Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the Lord, and feed on His faithfulness." Once again, the reassurance of His never-ending faithfulness enabled me to carry on in His name. And though at that time I was feeling so negative; disappointed with far too many people, and even with MYSELF, I felt so warm and loved knowing that I would never be disappointed in Him.

Today, I woke up in the morning feeling too tired to want to go to BE. I made up excuses to not go: I had a test at 4pm in which I've studied 0 (ZERO. NULL.) chapters. FORGET 4PM! I even had a test at 9am in which I was BARELY prepared for.

.....

....but then, God worked in SO MANY WAYS TO MAKE SURE I MADE IT TO B.E. HAHAHAHAHA!

One way was by making me flip all the way to Ephesians once again in the morning. 3:18-19 this time. And to read about the fullness of his love, the infinite possibilities by knowing Him - it touched me straight to the core of my heart.

The second way in which He worked was through my FRIENDS. HAHAHAHAHA. Some of you who messaged me in the morning - you may not know it, but every each and one of you who did - made me go to BE. And even those pals that I met in the library. Everyone was pointing in a direction as if God WANTED me to be there.

AMAZING, isn't it?

BUT WAIT. It was NOT just the Scriptures that talked to me. XD

YEAH. The most amazing thing was that EVERY SINGLE THING Dr. Alex spoke of today pretty much sums up everything that happened to me this week. He even spoke about discipleship - as a way to completely place our trust in somebody we can be accounted to regardless of the situation. He also talked of fighting faith that is imperatively crucial for one who walks with Him.

And as I sit here with my journal on my walk with God - it pieced up all the pieces together.

Even more surprising was that it didn't end at just that! Wilson offered to teach me about prayer over the weekend! :) And a non-Christian friend told me that "You are kinda spiritually immature now - but learning, albeit slowly, is really good." OMG XD God just continues to surprise me time and time again HAHAHAAHAHAHA!

The way that the Lord worked with me this week was just AWESOME. And I cannot be any happier that everything went just as it should be. (I don't think I did bad enough to have flunked those 2 tests either! XD)

Maybe you too should surrender control of your life to Him - and let Him work wonders with our lives. :)

(... OH WAIT. I MIGHT have flunked my WileyPlus though. Grrrr.)