Much has been said about finding our spiritual gifts and then igniting them with a fervent passion for the Lord. And I prayed onto the Lord daily that He would show me clear signs as to what was my gift.
Surely enough - today, I had this sudden epiphany about what COULD be my gift. HAHAHAHAHA. It came to me when I was doing my daily devotion today - when I suddenly felt that I expressed myself best in written words.
YEAHHHH. This feeling - have I got the gift of writing? :D
You know, there's a profound difference when I write and when I speak. I feel as though the words just slip off my fingertips when I write (or type, for this matter HAHAHAHA) WAY faster than they slip off my tongue. I express myself so much better when I put it to paper (or blog XD) compared as to when I say them out loud. The best thing is that when I WRITE, I don't pause to think. It just... flows.
As I flip through my journal in my walk with Him, I too realize that I've been building my relationship with Him through written words. And I tend to get very personal in my prayer when I write. In a way, His Words (= Bible) relates to me in a very, very personal way that I can't really describe literally in spoken words. The Lord = Word = Life. My life. XD
So, Lord, is that my gift?
Well, I know that I shouldn't rush things especially in my relationship with Him, right? Because sometimes rushing things may cause us to lose sight of it, no? So I'll just take it in accordance to His will, at His pace. Simply because we know that our time is not measured at the same pace as His time. So once again, I commit this to Him and wait on Him to startle me with another sudden revelation. MUAHAHAHAHA. Praise God! :)
Ohhh. On another note - how the Lord has answered my prayers! HAHAHAHA! About a month ago, I wanted to get a commentary Bible. So I asked Him to guide me to get one in which I can really connect and understand so that I can learn more about Him. Truth be told (confession! HAHAHA) I am really bad when it comes to discipline in reading His Word. Sometimes because I find it hard to truly gain an understanding. YEAAAAH.
Imagine my surprise when I walked into Borders and came to realize that commentary Bibles, or rather, Bibles on the whole - are pretty expensive! So I waited on Him (once again: not rushing things and doing it at His pace) and true enough - yesterday Rou En told me to ask Darshinii about study bibles - sold at a student price of RM60 ONLY. WHAT A STEAL, MAN. OMG. I'm definitely getting one. SOOOOOO CHEAP! Compared to the Rm120 and above ones that I saw. WOW! CHEAP!
Ahahahaha. So once again, praise God! MUAHAHAHAHAHA.
Isn't it PHENOMENAL to see Him do His thing even in the smallest occasions in life? He is truly ever-faithful. And that's why I *heart* Him~ XD Awwwwww.
WHOOOOOO-HOOO! New layout! Hope it works because I got too lazy to make my own. BWAHAHAHAHAHA. And then my laziness is back after one whole week of being hardworking. MUAHAHAHAHAHA XD
Anyway. Coming back to the topic - I went everywhere and did it all. Uni life rocks! XD
A USM first! Enjoying Starbucks all the more with great company! (btw, Caramel Macchiato tastes like milk BWAHAHAHAHA)
The tailor behind Pow's clothes. Man, I totally rock. MUAHAHAHAHA. I was sewing her costume for her upcoming dance event. WOW! I turned it from a cloth into a dress. MUAHAHAHAHA I am so gifted! (insert super perasan look here) XD
Guess what? We (Wan Yin, Leong, Pow and me) became Pharmacy students for a day! Whooo-hooooo! Their Dewan Kuliah gives off a totally different vibe altogether. Eerie OMG.
Pow doing some really random pose there in DK X. =.='
Went cycling with Pow! ONCE AGAIN: A REMINDER TO ALL. NEVER CYCLE UP A HILL WITHOUT STAMINA FOR YOU WILL BECOME AN OKU.
Leong cycling! I took this while cycling. MUAHAHAHAHA. I'm such a pro. Sorry I didn't manage to take Wan Yin/Pow. You two were so far in front that day...
Bubble fest in USM! I wanted to go try, but then I was running late for my rehearsal at Dewan Budaya the other day. And I think one's gotta pay to play. Boooo. How I wish everything was free. Grrrr.
You're looking at the number of beans the new CHOPSTICK MASTER MANAGED TO PICK OUT. Muahahahahaha! Won 2 RedBox complimentary tickets for this! MUAHAHAHAHAHA
Now who said bananas can't use chopsticks?! I'll prove them wrong! XD
Pow, myself and Khoi at the Karnival Wanita!
THANK YOU KHOI KHOI for the ice cream. Awwww. It tasted all the better XD
OWL ASLEEP IN CLASS. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA this is proof that everyone sleeps in class! Wheeeeee~!
So many other ppl were sleeping in class. Sorry I had to take only YOUR photo.
Dunno what stunt Pow was trying to pull in Pizza Hut the other day =.="
Mania looking cute with our deadly concoction of Coke + Cheese + Pepper + Tabasco sauce! MUAHAHAHAHAHA. The very next day after she drank that, she came down with Chickenpox. See what I mean by deadly? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
My CNY cookies that I baked! A VERY VERY small batch of it. XD
Audrey's muka tertidur in Pulau Jerejak. Epic la wei XD
When Pow and I decided to do some Taylor Swift stunt by disturbing our neighbour and writing weird signs and showing them off to her. Poor girl, we must have scared her silly (she never opened her curtains ever again) BWAHAHAHAHAHA
An earphone connection! Both us roomies showing off our awesome new earphones! Mine's red and hers are green. Wheeeeeee~! Support USM's PC fair!!
And that was a very brief recap of the silly/weird/disturbing/memorable things we've done this semester in USM. Yet another awesome semester soon to end.
OKAY. So, this week has gotta be the BUSIEST week I've ever had since I stepped into USM. A summary of my week would mean having not enough time and not enough sleep with my long workload of 6 Assignments, 2 Tests and So You Think You Can. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.
Amazingly, it's the first time I've ever skipped lectures for a whole ENTIRE week and yet have an exemption letter. BWAHAHAHAHA.
Putting the 'stressed' part aside, this week has its pros too! Of all my 10 years walking with Him, I've not once felt how it feels like to have the Lord so profoundly intervene in my daily life - until this week. I guess it's true when they say that He's doing his greatest work when we are dealing with most difficult situations. For those who have faced the greatest darkness are those who fully appreciate the glory of His light.
The Lord, working in my life started all the way back on Monday when I heard Jess talking to Lydia about discipleship. After movie night, Wilson and I shared a little chat over a cup of ice-blended. Even though I've walked with the Lord for 10 years, I'm still a spiritual infant. Sad to say, I've stopped at acceptance for a very long time now. But NOW I want to grow in Him - because if not now, then when? So, despite rushing to meet datelines - (most assignments were due on Wednesday!), I asked him about discipleship. And he enlightened me for an hour or so.
That night I prayed to God. Like, I REALLY prayed HARD. I really, really wanted to grow in my relationship with Him. But blind faith is nothing alike real faith. I asked Him, What do You will for me to? Need I a mentor-disciple relationship? Or do I just need someone to be accountable for? What is my purpose in life? Take control of my life. Let Your will be done. Slam the truth right to my face.
And he spoke to me most directly through Ephesians. Time and time again! GOD IS GREAT.
On Wednesday, I browsed through Ephesians 4:1-16 by accident. Those verses centered about letting His providence place us where He wills us to be. These verses also told me that we can do whatever task he assigns us to do, no matter how impossible it may seem - because He put us there for a reason. All we have to do is to wait for our moment and find our calling.
Yesterday too, I was tired and disappointed. 2 tests = 19 chapters to be tested; but NONE studied. (Assignments was copied, btw. HAHAHAHAHA) I randomly browsed His Word again, and I landed on Psalm 37:3 that says, "Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the Lord, and feed on His faithfulness." Once again, the reassurance of His never-ending faithfulness enabled me to carry on in His name. And though at that time I was feeling so negative; disappointed with far too many people, and even with MYSELF, I felt so warm and loved knowing that I would never be disappointed in Him.
Today, I woke up in the morning feeling too tired to want to go to BE. I made up excuses to not go: I had a test at 4pm in which I've studied 0 (ZERO. NULL.) chapters. FORGET 4PM! I even had a test at 9am in which I was BARELY prepared for.
.....
....but then, God worked in SO MANY WAYS TO MAKE SURE I MADE IT TO B.E. HAHAHAHAHA!
One way was by making me flip all the way to Ephesians once again in the morning. 3:18-19 this time. And to read about the fullness of his love, the infinite possibilities by knowing Him - it touched me straight to the core of my heart.
The second way in which He worked was through my FRIENDS. HAHAHAHAHA. Some of you who messaged me in the morning - you may not know it, but every each and one of you who did - made me go to BE. And even those pals that I met in the library. Everyone was pointing in a direction as if God WANTED me to be there.
AMAZING, isn't it?
BUT WAIT. It was NOT just the Scriptures that talked to me. XD
YEAH. The most amazing thing was that EVERY SINGLE THING Dr. Alex spoke of today pretty much sums up everything that happened to me this week. He even spoke about discipleship - as a way to completely place our trust in somebody we can be accounted to regardless of the situation. He also talked of fighting faith that is imperatively crucial for one who walks with Him.
And as I sit here with my journal on my walk with God - it pieced up all the pieces together.
Even more surprising was that it didn't end at just that! Wilson offered to teach me about prayer over the weekend! :) And a non-Christian friend told me that "You are kinda spiritually immature now - but learning, albeit slowly, is really good." OMG XD God just continues to surprise me time and time again HAHAHAAHAHAHA!
The way that the Lord worked with me this week was just AWESOME. And I cannot be any happier that everything went just as it should be. (I don't think I did bad enough to have flunked those 2 tests either! XD)
Maybe you too should surrender control of your life to Him - and let Him work wonders with our lives. :)
(... OH WAIT. I MIGHT have flunked my WileyPlus though. Grrrr.)
I'm down with the blogging fever! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Well, gotta blog while it lasts before I disappear for another month or two XD
Weeeeeeeell. I actually have nothing much on my agenda to blog about - but THEN, I was clearing my handphone of its 1000+ inbox messages. (I clean my inbox, like, once a year XD) Surprisingly, I found some REAAALLY memorable/laughable/annoying yet bloggable stuff. Whee~ RANDOM! XD
Oh my. The weird things friends text huh. Got me laughing like a mad gaylo for a bit and so I shall list them here for further laughs MUAHAHAHAHAHA
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG! Hard not to think serong rereading this! OMIGOSH HAHAHAHAHAHA! I really just couldn't stop snickering to myself every time I read this BWAHAHAHAHA
Laughed like nuts re-reading this text from HuiYing la... OMG?! That time we were talking about a CNY gathering for 2011. However, (as usual) Ama always fails to reply. MUAHAHAHAHAHA. And so HuiYing sent me this text message. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Need no explanations, no? At that time I just straightened my hair and was in an eggy status for a month. Raz was mean. XD
I SOOOOOOOO wanted to kill her there and then. Nothing to elaborate on, though. MUAHAHAHAHA. Epic - because I shall kill her one day. With my love. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.
"OMG Manda?! The heck was this about?!" was my initial reaction when I reread this message. Manda dear, if you're reading this, I bet it gave you a good shock too HAHAHAHA! It took me a while to recall that Manda was actually talking about my PSP. MUAHAHAHAHAHA. (still doesn't make much sense, no? Oh well. XD)
by PowPow
POWPOW IS SO VIOLENT!! OMIGOSH?! How am I still alive after one and a half sems?! Now I'm worried :O
I vaguely remember that Cheng, Pow and I were screaming for Aud from the ground floor but apparently she wasn't in her room. It turns out that she was in the ladies. Aud then sent me that message.
... *speechless* I don't see how anyone can't get speechless after that. Ahahahaha.
MUAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! Had a great time blogging about this! But I noticed that my posts these days lack politics. Going to USM has left me SOOOO outdated about Malaysia's current political saga. I'm gonna go study the news for the past 3 months and hopefully blog about politics soon MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
... or the like XD
Followers out there: enjoy my blog while you can! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA ( I apologise for my inconsistency :D I only blog when I'm TRULY busy. Tee-heee~)
emotional devastation
eruption of thoughts
moment of insanity
bitter
trivial strife
vulnerability
a temporal wall
I just can't rid off myself.
lend me
strength
to control
the choice between kindness or anger.
teach me
trust
so that I love.
Today can be summed up as: Eat a lot, work out a lot. WHOOOOOO-HOOOO! (most importantly, I'm on a blogging frenzy!)
Had a sinful lunch at Pizza Hut today in which the three of us (Pow, Mania and myself) finished ONE WHOLE NEW BOTTLE OF PARMESAN CHEESE. See what I mean by sinful?
The laughing-like-a-mad-gay-look
The most amazing concoction I've ever made (and drank! :O)(I'm so gonna get diarrhea tomorrow XD)
And after Pizza Hut, Pow was feeling so guilty that she just needed to work off those extra calories. Of course the psychotic Cheng and I would join in on any weird occasion. XD
Biawak crossing! On the way to Fajar to rent bicycles!
A photo of the three hardworking exercise freaks. MUAHAHAHAHA. This was taken before we went into the gym.Reminder to all: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RIDE A BICYCLE UP A HILL IF YOU HAVE NO STAMINA. KO TERUS.
Whoooo-hoooo! Cheng WALKED there but she only looked half as tired as both Pow and me on the bicycle. Darn.
To the gym we went!
Work it baby. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.
Woi Pow. Stop taking photos and exercise more la adoi. XD
That's us after the gym workout.
The hottest rowing instructor ever. OMG. *faints*AND... I MAY just join the USM Rowing team (for him?). HAHAHAHA.
Read more misadventures at Pow's blog. What an eventful Monday XD
Totally loving campus life. Wheeeee-hoooo! Gonna go training with the hot instructor again tomorrow MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Good bye, Vinny Tan. XD
First off, I know I'm lame and all - being a Penangite but never once setting foot on Jerejak island for the past 20 years. MUAHAHAHAHAHA. But my first time there was nothing short of fantastic! It was a great moment for fellowship and one of utmost fun and adventure! WHEEEEEEE~!!
And now, time for photos! Well, these were taken from Audrey's camera only since both Derek and Tien Hui are yet to upload anything *HINT HINT HINT* XD
Woke up at 7.00am - great start to a great day!
Lily darling and I at the Jerejak jetty *insert hugs here* Enjoyed the great view of the sea! Penangites tend to take things for granted. XD
In the ferry heading to Jerejak. Wheeeee~! I actually didn't experience motion sickness! WOW! God is great. :)
During jungle trekking. PHEWWWWW. I still remember our guide teaching us to identify the Tongkat Ali plants. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.
Guess who we met? Our poisonous green friend! This was during jungle trekking. Not bad, eh? How lucky to have met one!
*insert hugs and kisses here*
Tired but excited faces after jungle trekking.
The beautiful view of the suspension bridge :)
That's me yelling, "ARSENAL!" in mid-air. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
OMG!!! WALL CLIMBING!!! It was amazingly difficult for first-timers (like me).On a side note: I couldn't even hold my chopsticks properly to dig in to my Maggi Mee that night. Random. XD
My favourite group photo!
At the end of the day.(stopped by QBay to eat McD, though. BWAHAHAHAHAHA)
And at night, I went to my first church service at EPCC. It was moving and the feeling of just being there (despite my fatigue-had a hell of a week :S) was amazing. And I realised how true it was that moments spent with God are those of refreshing times. Felt so revitalised when the Spirit's in the house! XD
Am looking forward to more fun-filled CG events! What's so great is that we truly are one big family united under God as our Head. It's totally... Wheeeeeeeeee~! XD
Had an awesome time with my very very reliable, effective and fast-planning Bio coursemates on the last day before the one week long CNY break!
At first, I just kinda randomly invited everyone to join in on a bbq steamboat thing on Thurs evening. And the event was planned for FRIDAY. HAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, random. XD But suddenly, OWL had this great idea to make their own bbq steamboat! Imagine my surprise that it took them only 2 hours to plan out such a fantastic dinner. Every little thing was done ourselves. WOW. It simply was fun! :)
Plus, not to mention: the event was graced by their very own Bakti Idol. WAHAHAHAAHAHA.
(from the way I'm writing, you'll know that I'm actually lazy to blog, but instead, I'll spam my own wall with some photos of the night. XD I'm a total pig after CNY.)
Jun Shan and OWL by the bbq pit. SO CREATIVE LA ALL OF THEM. WOW!
The 2 roommates whose only contribution was eating. XD
Our BBQ chef of the day! THANK YOU.
All the crazy girls...?
... I know Mania likes this pic of Leong. HAHAHAHAHA.
The guys with... OMG! Bakti Idol! XD
PengX2 and PowX2 ;P
Woei Sheng - staring more than helping? XD
The whole gang altogether! :) *insert love here*WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. We should have more Bio gang gatherings + outings!!
....so, when's the next one?
Ever since I was a kid, I've always hated the fact that I was a crybaby. I would cry at every small random poke that my godbrothers nudged at me. I would cry that they ate the last ice cream in the fridge. I would cry when they built that treehouse at the back without ever once involving me.
But however big a crybaby I was, I always let the tears flow only when I'm in solitude. They run only in the comfort of the pitch black wardrobe. Or in the dusty lair under the bed. I even had a perfect corner at the edge of the room in which I would silence those tears so much that the atmosphere stays perfectly still as I cried.
I grew up, but I never changed. In fact, I hate that people can publicly cry - drowning in their delusive thoughts of imperfection - or just crying for no reason at all. I hate that some people think that letting tears flow would gain them love and affection - especially gaining attention from those who pretend to comfort you when they actually delight at the sight of your fall.
No matter how sad - despite in times of mourning - I hate to cry in front of those I love so dearly. Tears down the already tense atmosphere and they can never do anything to help improve the situation.
I hate it - that tears show the weakness in your heart. I hate it - that those tears are the very reason you are ridiculed. Embarrassed. I hate it that I can do nothing when you cry.
But then - I cry a lot these days. Even yesterday. But only in Your presence.
And I LOVE IT that I cry then. :)
Weeping in the presence of the Lord is a whole different story altogether. The tears that spring to life whenever I praise You, Lord - are those of joy. Those tears that I shed, I do not hold back for I am not embarrassed that You have touched me. Weeping in your presence reminds me that I am filled with the Spirit. And that You have filled me with joy to such an extent that that heavy burden upon my shoulders are shed along with the natural spring in my eyes.
I weep in joy to know that I am saved. And that I am forgiven despite the infinite sins that I've committed throughout my lifetime. And that every imperfection and every weakness of mine is healed in Your presence. I cry in the truth and the revelation that has been spoken to me. Most importantly, I weep in joy that I am LOVED; infinitely, unconditionally.
Acts 2:28
I am stronger now. But only because You have lent me strength. And showed me what it means to love.
Awww. It's true. It's a whole different light, love and affection when the Lord is the head of the family.
brick walls
down
dead ends
the atmosphere
obligated options
slow strides
fall yet again
a slur of words
inexplicable
tsunami of thoughts
head in the clouds
feet off the ground
a gentle thug
an epiphany
agape
unconditional
unwavering
faith.
1 Peter 4 :)
