Shedding Tears

Ever since I was a kid, I've always hated the fact that I was a crybaby. I would cry at every small random poke that my godbrothers nudged at me. I would cry that they ate the last ice cream in the fridge. I would cry when they built that treehouse at the back without ever once involving me.

But however big a crybaby I was, I always let the tears flow only when I'm in solitude. They run only in the comfort of the pitch black wardrobe. Or in the dusty lair under the bed. I even had a perfect corner at the edge of the room in which I would silence those tears so much that the atmosphere stays perfectly still as I cried.

I grew up, but I never changed. In fact, I hate that people can publicly cry - drowning in their delusive thoughts of imperfection - or just crying for no reason at all. I hate that some people think that letting tears flow would gain them love and affection - especially gaining attention from those who pretend to comfort you when they actually delight at the sight of your fall.

No matter how sad - despite in times of mourning - I hate to cry in front of those I love so dearly. Tears down the already tense atmosphere and they can never do anything to help improve the situation.

I hate it - that tears show the weakness in your heart. I hate it - that those tears are the very reason you are ridiculed. Embarrassed. I hate it that I can do nothing when you cry.




But then - I cry a lot these days. Even yesterday. But only in Your presence.
And I LOVE IT that I cry then. :)

Weeping in the presence of the Lord is a whole different story altogether. The tears that spring to life whenever I praise You, Lord - are those of joy. Those tears that I shed, I do not hold back for I am not embarrassed that You have touched me. Weeping in your presence reminds me that I am filled with the Spirit. And that You have filled me with joy to such an extent that that heavy burden upon my shoulders are shed along with the natural spring in my eyes.

I weep in joy to know that I am saved. And that I am forgiven despite the infinite sins that I've committed throughout my lifetime. And that every imperfection and every weakness of mine is healed in Your presence. I cry in the truth and the revelation that has been spoken to me. Most importantly, I weep in joy that I am LOVED; infinitely, unconditionally.

Acts 2:28

I am stronger now. But only because You have lent me strength. And showed me what it means to love.